Part of the reason that I am starting to get stressed out during the wedding planning is in dealing with my parents. The BF and I had some ideas that were quickly dismissed by my parents and everything we do or talk about garners a flood of opinions most of which are in direct opposition of what we want.
They have a way of treating me like I am 12 they neglect to look at the fact that I have not lived under their roof in a number of years. They forget that I moved half way across the country, purchased my first car, my first home and have a MBA without their assistance.
Instead they talk to me like I have not considered all the options and balk at some ideas that may be out of the norm. Heaven forbid we get married on a Friday, we will be asking too much from people to travel (even though midweek airfare is cheaper!), we can't have a reception in a "loft" how will people get from their hotel to the venue, what if they drink? (we were going to have a trolley/van for transportation) but no no no. the biggest agreement had to do with who would be my bridesmaids, it got so bad it reduced me to tears and when I really think about it I get so pissed.
Now they are having opinions on some things that we have on our to do list. We are in the process of meeting with florists and they think it is too soon and go on to compare me with my brother. That my friends, is a dangerous thing for them to do especially after I have explicitly told them that my ideas are not going to mirror his and that I do not want to be compared to him and his wedding. End of story!
I was so upset after speaking with my mother yesterday that I decided two things. The first, I am no longer telling them our ideas and suggestions, we are just going to do them. The second, I will most likely refuse any more offers of help from them. They have reduced me to a ball of stress that the BF has to deal with.
He has been a trooper with them but as an outside observer he sees how they treat me and it is starting to upset him. My mom is the queen of passive aggressive tactics and her "not meaning to insult" insults, she has asked me a question and then an hour or two later when I am out of the room will ask the BF to see if she gets the same answer. I have become immune to it but lately, I have started to react to it. I am afraid that they will push me to a point where not only will I snap but so will he. So it is best that I limit my contact with them while we are working on the planning.
So yes mom, you and dad are part of the reason why I had to go to see a counselor a few years ago and I found her again so I may have to pick up where I left off.
Vegas is looking good.
Thursday, January 29, 2009
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
Second guesses
Yesterday afternoon out of the blue I started to second guess some wedding things. Part of this was spurred on by a quote for a vendor for linens and transportation. So this lead to a mini-freak out. I started to second guess the photographer, the save the dates and other details. I think part of it is some wedding blogs and sites that I read. They have these great ideas but I just don't have the time nor money to do all the things that I want to do. So I am doing the best that I can but, it still makes me question almost everything.
Part of the freak out is that I have never planned a wedding before and there are tons of details that need to be done and pop into my head at random times, the other part is that I am so burned out on wedding things and the other part is the budget, we have a hypothetical one. One that does not take into account how we will pay for some things. So that freaks me out.
I love the planning and the dreaming of ideas process but the reality of the situation causes stress. It is easy to be consumed by the planning and the stress that comes with it. Sure I can ask people to help but I can't even figure out what they can help with. I would love to "shelf" the wedding plans but I did that when I was in NJ so now I have to work on the next to do items.
I just wish I was confident enough to trust the people we are hiring and not second guess them for no reason. Sure my wedding will not be written about but it is our day and we are two unique non cookie cutter people. I think that I have to trust us as well.
What stresses you out and causes you to second guess things at random?
Part of the freak out is that I have never planned a wedding before and there are tons of details that need to be done and pop into my head at random times, the other part is that I am so burned out on wedding things and the other part is the budget, we have a hypothetical one. One that does not take into account how we will pay for some things. So that freaks me out.
I love the planning and the dreaming of ideas process but the reality of the situation causes stress. It is easy to be consumed by the planning and the stress that comes with it. Sure I can ask people to help but I can't even figure out what they can help with. I would love to "shelf" the wedding plans but I did that when I was in NJ so now I have to work on the next to do items.
I just wish I was confident enough to trust the people we are hiring and not second guess them for no reason. Sure my wedding will not be written about but it is our day and we are two unique non cookie cutter people. I think that I have to trust us as well.
What stresses you out and causes you to second guess things at random?
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
Not making the cut
So for the past few weeks, the BF and I have been updating our invite list for the upcoming nuptials. We have been correcting addresses, adding people and subtracting people. In the end, we have a substantial list that we are satisfied with. Most are friends and family and a few are co-workers. We have talked about who to invite and worked it out with the families to ensure that some of their friends are invited.
But our main rule was that one of us had to know the person who will be on the list. We did not want to invite people we had no idea who they were but that our parents knew from work, the grocery store etc.
Well, last week while I was in the land of guidos and speedos, one of the sales team was having a meeting. Since I was in CS I knew some of them. I bumped into one of my sales reps who I go back 9 years with so she and I were chatting. When I went to another part of the office I was accosted by a sales rep who I had some minor dealings with as a rep and he is extremely chatty. When we parted and as I was walking to the room I was using, he mentioned how he is looking forward to getting the invitation.
My mouth fell open. What do you say? He was not on the list, nor will he be put on the list. But what do you say at that point. I opted for the non-committal laugh and turned and walked away. Even if I worked with him for years he would not be on my list.
Now some of my friends from high school who I lost touch with and haven't seen in at least 6 or 7 years are out of the woodwork. There is one whose parents are on our invite list (at the insistence of my parents because they have been invited to all their kids weddings). However, she is not on the list. If I haven't seen nor spoken to you in about 6 years, you are not invited. The other friend I haven't seen in a number of years but we talk once or twice a year. She left me a message yesterday saying how she knew I was engaged and wanted to know when the wedding was (I suspect to make plans to attend). But she was not on our list.
I am not adding any more people.
What do you do. How do you tell people that you are not making the cut!
But our main rule was that one of us had to know the person who will be on the list. We did not want to invite people we had no idea who they were but that our parents knew from work, the grocery store etc.
Well, last week while I was in the land of guidos and speedos, one of the sales team was having a meeting. Since I was in CS I knew some of them. I bumped into one of my sales reps who I go back 9 years with so she and I were chatting. When I went to another part of the office I was accosted by a sales rep who I had some minor dealings with as a rep and he is extremely chatty. When we parted and as I was walking to the room I was using, he mentioned how he is looking forward to getting the invitation.
My mouth fell open. What do you say? He was not on the list, nor will he be put on the list. But what do you say at that point. I opted for the non-committal laugh and turned and walked away. Even if I worked with him for years he would not be on my list.
Now some of my friends from high school who I lost touch with and haven't seen in at least 6 or 7 years are out of the woodwork. There is one whose parents are on our invite list (at the insistence of my parents because they have been invited to all their kids weddings). However, she is not on the list. If I haven't seen nor spoken to you in about 6 years, you are not invited. The other friend I haven't seen in a number of years but we talk once or twice a year. She left me a message yesterday saying how she knew I was engaged and wanted to know when the wedding was (I suspect to make plans to attend). But she was not on our list.
I am not adding any more people.
What do you do. How do you tell people that you are not making the cut!
Monday, January 26, 2009
Casa sweet Casa
I was thrilled when my flight landed on Friday. I could not wait to get home but of course that was delayed by the mix up at baggage claim. then I hopped into a scary cab and the BF was waiting for me on the curb to help me with my bag. The two beasts were thrilled to see me and I was so happy to see everyone. Everyone got hugs and kisses.
Saturday the BF and I went out for breakfast and then to the mall. We had to start our registry and spend a few hours with a scanner at Macy's. The woman who helped us could not have been any nicer, she was an older woman but was on top of the game and was very helpful. We were so tired when we were done with everything.
I made this simple easy pasta with spinach fresh cherry tomatoes and parama cheese and it was nice to cook again. Plus it was healthy and easy.
Yesterday, we went to run a few more errands and register in one more store and one of us registered for a Sham WOW. The BF made some chili and it was so good and hearty. It was nice to have a homemade dinner and not eat out. We had the fire on and the beasts were sitting in front of the fire sleeping and lounging.
I have a question, if anyone has been to Paris, what district are nice to stay in?
Saturday the BF and I went out for breakfast and then to the mall. We had to start our registry and spend a few hours with a scanner at Macy's. The woman who helped us could not have been any nicer, she was an older woman but was on top of the game and was very helpful. We were so tired when we were done with everything.
I made this simple easy pasta with spinach fresh cherry tomatoes and parama cheese and it was nice to cook again. Plus it was healthy and easy.
Yesterday, we went to run a few more errands and register in one more store and one of us registered for a Sham WOW. The BF made some chili and it was so good and hearty. It was nice to have a homemade dinner and not eat out. We had the fire on and the beasts were sitting in front of the fire sleeping and lounging.
I have a question, if anyone has been to Paris, what district are nice to stay in?
Friday, January 23, 2009
Hours countdown
I am FINALLY heading home tonight. I can not wait, it has been a very long and productive two weeks. I worked on average 9 hours a day (including working lunches) and was a captive at the hotel when I was done except for a few nights out with friends and the trip to the mall.
I did make it to the gym a few times but I was the only female in most cases but it got my energy out. I also realized that network TV is crap.
But that is all behind me and I get to go home to see my guy and the beasts. Apparently the two babies have been very clingy and have even cuddled with each other for attention.
Tonight I expect to sleep in my bed next to the BF, with a cat on my head and a lab snoring.
Good times.
(I am not going to think about the fact that I will be back in a few weeks)
I did make it to the gym a few times but I was the only female in most cases but it got my energy out. I also realized that network TV is crap.
But that is all behind me and I get to go home to see my guy and the beasts. Apparently the two babies have been very clingy and have even cuddled with each other for attention.
Tonight I expect to sleep in my bed next to the BF, with a cat on my head and a lab snoring.
Good times.
(I am not going to think about the fact that I will be back in a few weeks)
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
The Dawn of a New Day
I missed the events on TV today because I was in a meeting but I kept glancing at my watch and at 12, I breathed a sigh of relief that things will be changed.
A moment that will live on in history, a moment in time, that even though I did not get to watch it live, the feeling transended it all.
What a good day to be an American.
A moment that will live on in history, a moment in time, that even though I did not get to watch it live, the feeling transended it all.
What a good day to be an American.
Monday, January 19, 2009
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
Still stuck here
I feel like I should be writing a log like a castaway on some remote island but rather I am stuck here in NJ.
My past two days have been productive and I have worked up to 9 hours a day on the project. The hotel is only a few miles away so I am "home" in minutes but then things slow down and I get very bored. The TV that i have is limited to network stuff (which is crap by the way) and the news and sports channel. I do get the History and Discovery channel and HBO but no Jon Stewart to lull me to sleep with his snarky but relevant comments.
After work today, I ventured to the mall. I actually wanted to go to the book store to stock up on a book or two because I need something to read and I have one more chapter in the book I am reading that I will go through. This mall was huge and was a study in NJ-ness. I felt like the anthropologist in the Gieco commercial just people watching. It was interesting to say the least.
It is getting old fast here but things have to get done. I miss the beasts and the man terribly but I don't miss the lovely weather. Ironically, the weather here is going to get cold...in the high teens. What wusses, put a minus in front of the number and call me!
Send help.....
My past two days have been productive and I have worked up to 9 hours a day on the project. The hotel is only a few miles away so I am "home" in minutes but then things slow down and I get very bored. The TV that i have is limited to network stuff (which is crap by the way) and the news and sports channel. I do get the History and Discovery channel and HBO but no Jon Stewart to lull me to sleep with his snarky but relevant comments.
After work today, I ventured to the mall. I actually wanted to go to the book store to stock up on a book or two because I need something to read and I have one more chapter in the book I am reading that I will go through. This mall was huge and was a study in NJ-ness. I felt like the anthropologist in the Gieco commercial just people watching. It was interesting to say the least.
It is getting old fast here but things have to get done. I miss the beasts and the man terribly but I don't miss the lovely weather. Ironically, the weather here is going to get cold...in the high teens. What wusses, put a minus in front of the number and call me!
Send help.....
Monday, January 12, 2009
Lurkers unite
Apparently today is de-lurkers day. So if there are any lurkers now is the time to comment. Even if you are a regular reader drop a comment.
To make it interesting, answer the following question, If today was your last day on earth but only you know (and can't tell anyone) what would you do and why?
Discuss....
To make it interesting, answer the following question, If today was your last day on earth but only you know (and can't tell anyone) what would you do and why?
Discuss....
Sunday, January 11, 2009
On your mark, get set
Well I am blogging from the lovely hotel here in NJ. I made it in yesterday if you can believe it. Granted my flight was delayed for 3 hours I actually took off. I was secretly hoping that the flight would be canceled so I could spend one more night at home with the guy and the two beasts.
I was suppose to spend the night at my parent's house but my mom was panicky with the weather. See the NY/NJ area got a whopping 3 inches but there was an ice storm that followed. So I checked in, got me some room service and vegged out.
Today I headed across the Hudson to see the parental units and of course my dog. My mom was able to hem three pairs of pants that needed to be fixed. It was nice to be home for a few hours and I was able to have a nag free visit. It is very refreshing.
Tomorrow starts the beginning of the intense work week. I just have to be on top of my game and just let it be.
I had a bit of wedding drama the other day. One of my bridesmaids had to drop out due to the economic situation. I completely understand but still burst into tears after I hung up. It was the cherry on top of a crappy day. But things have worked out and one of my other friends will be able to participate and all will be well. It is the roller coaster of the whole wedding planning thing.
I was suppose to spend the night at my parent's house but my mom was panicky with the weather. See the NY/NJ area got a whopping 3 inches but there was an ice storm that followed. So I checked in, got me some room service and vegged out.
Today I headed across the Hudson to see the parental units and of course my dog. My mom was able to hem three pairs of pants that needed to be fixed. It was nice to be home for a few hours and I was able to have a nag free visit. It is very refreshing.
Tomorrow starts the beginning of the intense work week. I just have to be on top of my game and just let it be.
I had a bit of wedding drama the other day. One of my bridesmaids had to drop out due to the economic situation. I completely understand but still burst into tears after I hung up. It was the cherry on top of a crappy day. But things have worked out and one of my other friends will be able to participate and all will be well. It is the roller coaster of the whole wedding planning thing.
Thursday, January 08, 2009
Overwhelmed
I am feeling so overwhelmed and insignificant at the same time on so many levels.
Kind of ironic but they are making me feel like crap.
Kind of ironic but they are making me feel like crap.
Wednesday, January 07, 2009
Ick
This Saturday I head out east for a two week work assignment. That is two week straight, I am not coming home on the weekend because there is no point flying out late Friday night only to leave on Sunday afternoon. So I am staying there but I will get to see my parents and have the 1, 239 "discussion" about some aspect of the wedding and what they think we should do. The only reason I a seeing them is because I need three pants tailored and my mom sews (Note to self-learn how to sew) so that is the only reason. Next weekend I am seeing my friends and causing all sorts of havoc all over NYC but more than likely I will be too pooped to do anything crazy. At least I got booked at the good hotel not the creepy hotel so I can use the gym without any excuses. Plus I plan on being frustrated at times and it would be a good way to work through it.
I have an intensive schedule with meetings from 8-5 each day. Some meetings I will be more like a facilitator, others I will lead and yet others I will just be in attendance. One the one side, I am so glad to have gotten the green light and the green bucks to proceed with the project but on the other hand it is going to be a intense few months and I get stressed thinking about it. Plus the whole wedding is another project in itself.
Thankfully the BF has stepped up to the plate and has checked off a few things on our list and plans to tackle a few more items when I am gone. I am so glad because I can’t imagine doing two projects next week. Like me, is not too keen with me being gone, a few days is not a probe but after a two weeks it will be tough. the babies get a wee bit needy and do not like it when things are not the same. He can handle it but I will miss him and that is what is on my mind the most these past two days.
There is never a dull moment and I am glad to have a job in these times.
I have an intensive schedule with meetings from 8-5 each day. Some meetings I will be more like a facilitator, others I will lead and yet others I will just be in attendance. One the one side, I am so glad to have gotten the green light and the green bucks to proceed with the project but on the other hand it is going to be a intense few months and I get stressed thinking about it. Plus the whole wedding is another project in itself.
Thankfully the BF has stepped up to the plate and has checked off a few things on our list and plans to tackle a few more items when I am gone. I am so glad because I can’t imagine doing two projects next week. Like me, is not too keen with me being gone, a few days is not a probe but after a two weeks it will be tough. the babies get a wee bit needy and do not like it when things are not the same. He can handle it but I will miss him and that is what is on my mind the most these past two days.
There is never a dull moment and I am glad to have a job in these times.
Monday, January 05, 2009
And the new year begins
I hope that everyone had a nice New Year's celebration.
I ended '08 with some stomach issues so that was a fun way to end the year. The BF and I spend the day running errands and with me purchasing some travel books about Paris and Barcelona then lunch then a few hours later me not feeling so good. We did make it to midnight with me whispering in my beloved's ear that we will be getting married in 8 months!
On New Year's day, we were informed that his brother got engaged. We are so happy for them, so that evening we went out to celebrate and I was able to pass along an extra planning book that I had. They are planning a fall wedding so there are two weddings this year.
We had a low key few days getting errands done, cleaning the piles of stuff that are around and sleeping. I slept for hours upon hours.
I did get some great news, last week I did an interview and one question was about a person that I lost touch with and if how will I re-connect. Well, I mentioned my friend and his wife who are in Scotland and that I was going to send the a wedding invitation. Well when we got engaged, I sent them an email and did not hear from them until yesterday. Due to work commitments, he has been unable to take the time to respond but that he will be thrilled to attend our wedding and said that wild horses would not keep him away. Unfortunately, his wife's fear of flying has gotten worse and she will not be able to attend. I am so thrilled.
2009 is looking good.
How has the year treated you?
I ended '08 with some stomach issues so that was a fun way to end the year. The BF and I spend the day running errands and with me purchasing some travel books about Paris and Barcelona then lunch then a few hours later me not feeling so good. We did make it to midnight with me whispering in my beloved's ear that we will be getting married in 8 months!
On New Year's day, we were informed that his brother got engaged. We are so happy for them, so that evening we went out to celebrate and I was able to pass along an extra planning book that I had. They are planning a fall wedding so there are two weddings this year.
We had a low key few days getting errands done, cleaning the piles of stuff that are around and sleeping. I slept for hours upon hours.
I did get some great news, last week I did an interview and one question was about a person that I lost touch with and if how will I re-connect. Well, I mentioned my friend and his wife who are in Scotland and that I was going to send the a wedding invitation. Well when we got engaged, I sent them an email and did not hear from them until yesterday. Due to work commitments, he has been unable to take the time to respond but that he will be thrilled to attend our wedding and said that wild horses would not keep him away. Unfortunately, his wife's fear of flying has gotten worse and she will not be able to attend. I am so thrilled.
2009 is looking good.
How has the year treated you?
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