making it about us

Relationships are hard, they ebb and flow they get crossed up in the cross hairs of arguments, laughter, communications and silence.

Marriages fall into that category, except perhaps they are a bit more complicated because you add this layer of intimacy or rather many layers of intimacy. It is a sacred friendship, one that you don't have with your parents, your siblings or your friends, it is a different creature..

So when your marriage is rocked or when your world is broken, how can you deal? How do you deal?

Right now, things are rough. Our world has been rocked, our life turned on its head and we are trying to each figure out what to do.

I came very close so close to walking away. That would have been the easy thing to do. But when something means so much to you, you fight. The things that matter are worth fighting for. And regardless of the outcome, we tried and we fought to stay together, to rebuild.

He and I want to become "us" again. It is not going to be simple nor quick but we want "us" back and are each willing to fight for "us" to exist.

We started therapy tonight and I feel a bit better. I have some glimmer of hope that this hiccup in our relationship will make us stronger. There will be a lot of work to do, more tears to be shad, thoughts to be thought. But we can only try to make "us" whole again.

I wanted to thank you for all your support. The comments, text messages, calls and email were so appreciated. When you go through this, you can easily feel isolated and alone but, I feel connected to you all and I thank you. It means so much!

I am also keeping the cause of this rough patch to myself (our self) I consider it a part of what we have to deal with and want to work on it rather than expose it. Maybe one day I will but for now, it is the catalyst to change.

Nine lives

I think that I have nine lives and right now I am in life five. Last week, we had a round of layoffs in my office. I knew they were coming and I knew who would be given the pink slip. I wasn't "in the know" as a manager or was told by somebody but I read the writing on the wall. See, I have been in this position before when you know that things are bad, you know that they are letting people in different offices go, you see the public financial reports and then whoop, here is another acquisition. This particular acquisition had a catch, it had a number of people who did the same thing and a few jobs that would not be relevant. We were warned that the top brass was looking for the best of the best. And last week, those who did not make the cut were let go.

It sucks to watch this unfold, seeing HR call people one by one and seeing them come out in tears and packing up their desk and heading out in less than 10 minutes start to finish. I have seen it four times before and probably will see it over the life cycle of my career. It sucks, survivor guilt I suppose.

Then to top this all off, our senior management was shaken up and the results have wrecked morale and stirred up the rumor mill. And thus began the chain of events, after the all of the layoffs; a few people quit. Our office when from a lively place a few months ago to a very quiet one. We lost staff to the other office and the lay offs. I

So where do I stand, I am safe for now and probably will be for a few more months. I hold a unique position in the company and right now I am busier than ever. It is not to say when I am done with my projects, they won't show me the door. It does say that I have to get a few ducks in order so that I am prepared to do what needs to be done for me. It has given me time to reflect on my job(s) and what I want to be when I grow up.

But at the same time, the opportunities are endless.

Have you been through a lay off? How did it affect you?

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Hubs is doing much better, he saw a top notch cardio last week who thinks that this was an isolated event give the fact that Hubs is healthy. However, he does want to rule out a few things so the Hubs will have to undergo a stress test, wear a heart monitor and have a sleep study over the next few weeks. Better safe than sorry!

Thanks for your kind words and thoughts!

Aloha Recoginition

Hubs has been working on a strategic transformation project for almost a year, in addition to his day to day tasks. This project has taken off like gangbusters but has had him in the office late, coming home cranky and frustrated and put him in front of some executives. His boss's boss hand picked him to participate in this project because she sees his potential.

Last week, Hubs was extremely frustrated and snappy. He could not relax or sleep with all the pressures of work on his shoulder. He (like many others) felt unappreciated and was dealing with a number of personalities with their own agenda that is making him do more work than necessary. It was not good.

On Monday, he grumbled into work. When he came home, his spirits were lifted. He asked if I had looked into any vacations this year (I have been on and off looking a places to go) and when I replied no, he said "That is good because we are going to Hawaii!"

*Insert my mouth hitting floor*

His hard work was recognized by the person who placed him on the project as well as the executive team. He was selected with a few others to join the companies excellence club and will be recognized in Hawaii.

And I get to go! All expenses paid (well except for my taxes).

I am so proud of him and all the blood, sweat and swearing that he has done for his company. I am so glad to be his support! He deserves this!

Of course, now it means I have to hit the gym....well for him, it is worth it!

A Rosie outlook

This is the reason that I am not getting all of my to do items off of my list (I have made a decent amount of progress though)

Her name is Rosie and is one year old. The hubs and I adopted her from a local shelter last Friday with Yukon in attendance.



They are getting along really well and spend their days playing "I want the toy you have" and cuddling on the doggy beds. Yukon is taking with her and has been a good sport. We've all be going on long walks and are working to develop the pack leadership.
Chaplin is a bit confused because she is a dog yet smaller than him. They have been testing each other out and have gotten to the tolerated part. Although he loves her crate!

The hubs and I have our hands full but, in a good way. We did our research and made sure that our priorities were the safety and well being of our first two pets. She is the perfect fit and is a love bug. It is only a matter of time before they are all sharing the same bed.

It has been worth it!

The "D" word (nope not THAT "D" word)

One month has flown by, it is hard to believe that a month ago we were getting ready to have our wedding. Now we are settling into our married life together. Hubs and I have lived together for more than two years, so we are used to each other and our habits. But now it seems we are more cognizant of our own habits and more diligent about doing small things to make the other person happy. They are really small things but, they do add up.

We are in debt due to the wedding, not a great deal but still in some debt. It freaks me out the "d" word up until now, I have always paid the balance off on my credit card. This last payment, I could not. It really freaked me out, I had many sleepless nights and have been in a very introspective mood. I also have been looking around the house for assets that I can sell. We have a few things that we want to post on Craigslist so we have decided that anything we make will go towards our debt repayment.

We have also decided to be more vigilant and use a budget when we go grocery shopping or shopping in general. We have been fortunate that we have this grocery store around the corner that is hands down cheaper than most of the major stores and we can go there and get more for less. We also are going to use the entertainment that we already have our gym membership and our Netflix.

Each dollar that we save will be used towards our debt. We are looking at ways where we can cut costs and have some really good ideas to use the craft products we bought for our wedding for the holidays.

We hope to have it paid off by the holidays and we are doing it together!