Monday, August 05, 2013

Moving on... sort of

It has been 11 weeks and counting since the boys were born and my days and nights are consumed by them either visiting, thinking or planning.  So this blog has been put on the back burner.

However, I did create a new blog to document the boys and our experience.  I have been posting there.

I plan on coming back here to blog about non baby or rather little baby talk.  If you want a link to the new blog, let me know in the comment section with your email address and I will send it to you.  I will not publish you email address.

I will be back here soon.

Sunday, May 26, 2013

Cheated and hope

Last Saturday I was celebrating my 25th week of pregnancy by making Thank you cards when my water broke and our life changed.

We flew to the hospital and tried to remain calm but inside we were full of fear, panic and uncertainty.  When we got to the hospital it was confirmed that one sac broke and there was a good possibility that labor will begin.  Our doctor did say there was a possibility that they can try and keep the guys in longer but, we were not putting our hopes too much on that.  I had the steroid shot to develop their lungs and then was put on a magnesium drip immediately.  That night i got some sleep, ate some jello and popsicles and went to the bathroom a lot due to the IVs.  I had three IV stands going at ones.  Finally at 3:45 am I got to eat a bagel.

The next morning, it looked like we beat the clock when I started to have contractions that were getting longer in duration and closer that indicated labor.  So we made the decision with the doctors to go in for an emergency c-section.  Once that decision was made it was go time, we had time to absorb the news since we were talked to by a lot of doctors and knew what to expect or as best as we could.  Regardless it was a scary time and I had my tears but knew that  I had to be strong so that they could be strong.  In seconds our room was full of doctors and nurses introducing themselves and explaining what they will do during the procedure.  I think there were about 15 people in the delivery room.  Each baby had its own team waiting for them.

At 12:40 pm on May 19, my sons were born.  Baby B was 1.12 lbs and Baby M was 1.06 lbs.  They were rushed to the ISCU (NICU) and I was being finished.  T got to see them and baby B grabbed his finger.  I was in recovery for 2 hours and before I got to my room, they took me to see them.  They were so small and I just cried but, they were stable and in guarded condition. That evening my mom flew in and T took her to see her grandsons.  Our friends were hosting my mom and they got to see the boys too.

Over the past few days, they have been doing really well and are in great hands.  The nurses and doctors have been fantastic.  They have been keeping us up to date and we have been allowed to see them when we can and have been able to touch them and talk to them..  We know that the next few weeks and months will have some ups and downs and we are trying to wrap our heads around everything.

My recovery has been bumpy but overall each day is a bit better.  I did have an infection from the procedure and I was on antibiotics. My abs do hurt and some things have been harder than I expected.

Overall, this has been a crazy few days full of just not knowing what is next and how things will shape up.  We have had a lot of tears of sadness and frustration but, our boys are giving us so much hope.  We have been filled with a lot of prayers and hope by friends, family, twitter and fb.  My hospital room was filled with flowers and cards.  Which help us so much knowing we are not alone in this.

We don't know why or what caused this to happen and the doctors have told me that it was not my fault and I did a good job in the 25 weeks that  they were under my heart. I still blame myself and am mad to miss out on some milestones of pregnancy.  I am mad that this happened and that they are going to be here for a few months, I want them home with us.  I know that there are some rough days ahead.  I wanted to be able to give them a strong start and was cheated out of that.

They are here for a reason and one day we will know why but, we love them and will do what we can for them.  They are fighters and they are strong and they are our babies and we are now a family and will face this together.  We are embracing each hope and each milestone and all the prayers.

Monday, April 29, 2013

With some help

So it has been a number of weeks since I blogged!  Time has been going by both fast and slow, depends on the day.  I am going to talk about some pregnancy/lady parts so if it is not your cup of tea move to the end where I reveal the gender.

I am more than half way through with the pregnancy and I am glad/relieved that I am here.  We were informed about 3 weeks ago that my cervix was short.  Now the question was whether or not I was always short or if the pregnancy has shortened it.  Regardless, it is not a good thing, so my doctors have put me on modified bed rest.  So what that means (at least according to my docs) is that I keep off my feet for 6 waking hours as well as limiting my walking and standing and no driving!  I can't do housework either!  I can sit on the sofa or in bed.

I knew that I would eventually end up here but did not think that I would so soon.  It has been an adjustment more mentally than physically.  I have a lot of things that I want to do and help around the house.  My wings were clipped and for someone who is independent and reluctant to ask for help for help, this is hard.  I had to get over it and ask for help.

My job allows me to work from home and it helps that I gave my boss fair warning this may happen. So I am working and even supported a deployment a couple weeks back.  T has been amazing, he has stepped up and picked up a lot of the slack that I used to do without batting an eye.  I am just so in awe of him, I am so lucky to be married to him.

Last week, my parents came to help and my dad and T painted the nursery while my mom did some cleaning and alternately drove me a bit crazy.  Then on Sunday we registered.  I was pushed in a wheelchair and it was kind of funny but, I was so happy to participate in that.  We did go a little crazy but when you realize there are going to be two, it kind of justifies it.

We have been spending the past few months making room in our condo.  Our lovely neighbors the Guncles came over yesterday to help me organize the kitchen and help T look at gliders.  They have insisted on forcing our hand so that we ask for help.  And as I let go and did, I realize how much we needed them.    They have helped from offering their opinion on paint colors and mapping out the nursery to playing with the dogs.

The little ones are doing great, growing a wee bit ahead of schedule and with our weekly ultrasounds, we have been getting some cute shots.  I have started to feel them move and kick and last night, T got kicked (or headbutted) when he was rubbing the belly.  I love them so much already and there are so many people who love them too.  They are surrounded by love and prayers.

So yes, I am missing somethings like driving and going to work, I know what I need to do.  I have to keep my BOYS safe and sound for another few weeks and it is a job I don't take lightly.

Wednesday, March 27, 2013


After we found out that we were expecting, the first serious thought is where were we going to put them?  We have a two bedroom condo and i adore our place.  But realistically sometimes the walls feel like they are closing in with too much stuff.

So T and I decided that we were going to de-clutter.  Especially the second bedroom formerly the den ( but really the man cave).  So over the past few weeks he has gone through a lot of things and we ended up dropping three boxes to the salvation army, a box of books to sell and box for storage.  And we are not done, we still have to get rid of the sofa, the bookshelves and other odds and ends.  I have been helping in my small way going through books, wrapping glassware and planning the nursery!

My parents will be here in a couple weeks and my dad will be helping T paint.  We also plan to buy the cribs to get those set up in a couple weeks as well.  T and I are on the same page....dove grey walls with a particular accent color.

So, what color will the accents be?  Yep, we know the genders....any guesses?

Here is a clue, they are both the same gender...


Sunday, March 17, 2013

Sweet 16

I am just over 16 weeks and each day amazes me.  I "pop" a bit each day and it is kind of cool and terrifying as my body changes.  My doctor says it is just a couple of weeks (even as early as next week) before I start to feel them.  I just can't wait.

We heard their heartbeats a number of weeks ago for the first time and it was the sweetest sound in the world.  We hope that this week they cooperate and we can get a peek if they are boys or girls.  The last time we had a look they both had their legs crossed.

I am trying to stay stress-less or as much as possible.  There have been a few doses that pop up but overall I just let things slide.  That is what surprise me,!  As a project manager I tend to want to organize and plan this pregnancy but I had to let that go (except for the whole risk management-I am doing whatever I can to keep them in there safe and sound for us three).  Things that I would normally get stressed or upset about don't affect me as much.  I am surrounding myself with happy people, places and things.

T and I have been planning the nursery.  We have the color that we want to paint picked out and are cleaning out the clutter.  So far we have a huge box and a couple bags that we will donate.  My parents are coming out in a few weeks so since he and my dad will be paining we have a goal to get things cleaned up.  We have been ruthless!

So that is what is going on with me, what is new with you?

Tuesday, March 05, 2013


Thank you for your kind words!  We have been excited, nervous and in shock although we have had a number of weeks to get used to the idea of two.  Our family and friends have been unbelievably supportive and we have already gotten offers of babysitting and hand me downs.  I already have a highchair sitting in the second bedroom.

I am currently at almost 14.5 weeks and have officially entered the second trimester.  My first trimester was "textbook" by that I mean that I experienced the symptoms pretty much on target.  While I do consider myself lucky not to have had bad morning sickness but had nausea triggered by smells.  I also experienced being so tired, it is hard to explain but you just want to sleep anywhere and anytime.  Thankfully, my energy has returned although I am in bed much earlier than I used to be.

I have also been experiencing breathlessness but more so because (according to my research) I need more oxygen so I am not out of breath but rather taking deeper inhales and exhales.  But it does cause me to take my time.  Cooking makes me lose my breath and walking from my car to my desk increases my heart rate which also increases breathlessness.

My belly "popped" around week 8 and with that came the growing pains.  It was like I did a couple of extra sit ups and crunches.

We decided to wait until I was at week 12 to tell the extended family, friends and co-works (although our parents and best friends knew already).  I joked that I could not wait any longer since I could not hide my belly for too much longer!  Twins have a way of popping out early!

My diet has changed and that is something I am still getting used to.  I am not a big eater in the sence that I eat large portions.  But now I eat 6 times a day and have to consume 2200 calories.  Yea, it is hard because I try to make the most of my calories and eat healthy things....most of the time.  But now I stay fuller longer so especially at night it takes a lot for me to eat my last snack.

I have had minimal cravings and nothing too strange.  I still crave marinara sauce and the occasional pickle.  I had a bad aversion to peanut butter but we are now on speaking terms.  I have also got burned out of some food like greek yogurt and ice cream.

We have been so grateful for every milestone and for all the support.

To say this is an adventure is an understatement.

What has been your newest adventure?

Tuesday, February 26, 2013

oh Wow

So during my 5th week of pregnancy, I went in for an ultrasound.  It was our first and we were a mix of nerves and excitement.  Our tech and nurse confirmed that we had one sac that was measuring on target.  T and I were thrilled, it was healthy and I was going to do everything I can to keep it healthy.

A few days after week 6, I came home from work and I noticed that I was bleeding.  Panic entered my entire body, I tried to remain calm and called the dr.  After a conversation with the nurse, I  quickly went to bed to put my feet up and stayed that way.  Thankfully the bleeding was a one time fluke.  That night we both slept poorly obvious to what may be happening.  I was having waves of mild cramps but nothing that I have not been experiencing for the past few weeks.

I worked from home the next day, in bed with my feet up.  I actually was quite productive with a number of meetings and tasks that got done.  We had an appointment at the dr. the next day and looking back we were doing everything to push it out of our minds.

So when the appointment came, we were a big ball of nerves.  The wait in the waiting room seemed to take hours before we were called in.  When we were called in for the ultrasound my nerves grew by 100%.

So the tech began the procedure and then muttered the works "Oh Wow" my heart sank, I heard my husband take a sharp breath.  She was staring at the screen and then said "Last week you had one sac, well that embryo split and you have two"  She printed out a picture to show me, my husband said "Are you serious" and raced to the screen.  Sure enough there were two, with two perfect heartbeats and measuring to target.

Identical twins, we are having twins.

Monday, February 25, 2013


I wrote this on December 26 but now, it is official

There were two lines on the test, but that was no surprise since my blood test confirmed the news.

I am pregnant.

I still peed on the stick because I wanted to see what a positive test would look like.  Even thought, we knew, this made it more real to us.

You see our path here was hard full of ups and so many downs, we sought help, tried many things and had some serious setbacks.  I feared that I would never get to be here, I was in a club that I did not choose to be a member of (But I am glad I was and still am-more on that later).

But this time, it was different.  I felt it in my bones, it was all just different I can't really explain it.  In the infertility world there is the dreaded two week wait.  It is the two weeks between the procedure and the pregnancy test.  It is the longest two weeks of your life.

Now imagine that wait in the middle of the Holiday season.  So we were surrounded by the spirit of the season we had this huge "what if, could it be?".  during this time, my husband made me promise not to pee on a stick.  Sure no problemo.  The second week, well that was harder, Christmas eve hardest, Christmas day not so hard since we were distracted  by a sick dog and later company for dinner.  Christmas night was full of high anxiety.  

On 12/26, I walked into the dr. office for a blood test.  Then we waited for six of the longest hours of my life.  Granted I took a nap which killed 2 hours but still it was stressful.  At one point, I wanted to jog to get my anxiety out.  At 1:56 pm my phone rang, My husband ran to my side and held my hand.  As soon as the nurse said "congratulations" we both burst into tears.  I had her repeat what she just told me twice, I was in shock.

After the call, we sat there in each others arms, crying in disbelief that this time, it worked.  I was shaking and I ran to take the test.

Sure enough two lines and our new adventure awaits.