Monday, April 17, 2006

Learning to try...

Isn't that an eternal life lesson? We all continue to learn to try and let go, learn to try to set oneself free, learn to try and be, learn to try to open up , learn to try to close up. Learn to try to be yourself in the face of conformity, learn to try to be okay in adversity, learn to try to embrace happiness...I could go on. Each of us have thing that we know we have to learn and yet they are the lessons that affect us in a most profound way they opens up our vulnerability, our deepest thoughts and our emotions. Sometimes we ignore these challenges because they are just too hard to face or deal with and as such we suppress or ignore. But, by doing so do we further close ourselves up to new good experiences?

I guess right now I am learning to try to open up a bit again. I have been noticing that I have been closing up and not allowing most people in. I know that when I have been hurt I tend to close up as a means of self-protection for a number of reasons. But the result is that I close out close friends and family as well as the person who hurt me. It makes me wonder how this actually does affect me. I know that deep down I am optimistic and I continue to believe in the good but nonetheless, as I get older, cynicism creeps in and I have to learn to try and not let it settle.

Just learning to try.

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