Not really a Scrooge

I know that I sounded bitter on my last post. I just have no desire to go back to my parent's house. It is more obligation than want, it has been a year since I've been back to my hometown and it is strange to me. Every time I head back there, I notice the changes and some are good some are not. My parent's house is different, new paint and new furniture. Even my old bed room is not mine anymore, it is "guest room number 1".

I walk in the door and all of a sudden I am 15 again without the ability to drive. As I am no longer "insured" on my parent's policy I can't drive their car, so I can't get away. My friends who I knew have moved or gotten married and I don't keep in touch with many of them anymore, we drifted apart. I am only really close with my friends that I met in college and after and they are all over the place but not near my parents.

This year I've put my foot down and as such, I am not going to my aunt's house on Christmas day. She and her family treat me like a second class citizen and put my younger brother on a pedestal so I don't want to go and feel that way. However, even after stating that she was not going either, my mom relented so the family is going there for the day. So I will be home with the dog on Christmas if that is the case then I am wondering, why go home? I mean, I would rather be in my apartment on my couch eating my food watching my TV instead of at my parent's house.

Also, after the fight I had with my mom over the summer, I still feel weird. I haven't forgotten what she said and how hurtful she was. I just feel like I know how she really feels about me regardless if she apologized and told me that she was just mad. I just no longer feel that home is home for me anymore. I've outgrown it for good and bad, I suppose. At least I am cutting this visit short and leaving before New Year's Day. Just got to make the best of it.