Draining

I am a bit drained, my mid-term was more arduous than I thought that it would be but, it was a fair exam. At least that is what I am saying now until I get my grade...ugh!

My next activity is less draining on my brain but a bit more of my heart. D and I have plans for this evening and it will be the first time that we will see each other since that last tearful morning. I have not really recently thought about what it will be like to see him, perhaps in a way I am numb. It seems t that I have done quite a good job at suppressing my feelings. Part of that is the whole survival part you know, the more I suppress them the more I will appear to be ok. It is also a way of putting away the memories that hurt me (the good and bad ones hurt the same sometimes).

I have done my fair share of crying about it and somedays I still tear up. But he has not been a daily part of my life so it has been a little easier to not think about him but when he pops in it can at times be a bit harder. I have been not missing the messages he used to sent me daily as much as I used to. But I still miss him in my life, we had fun. He is a good person with a great heart and mind and there is not one bad thing that I can ever say about him

Tonight will be a challenge between what my head is telling me and what my heart wants. The ultimate challenge in many I suppose. I do miss him in my life and we'll see if we ultimately are a character in each other's lives rather than a part of our past. Tonight will be a step to find out.