Yesterday, I got some more bad news. I have to undergo some further testing after my doctor found some suspicious cells. I know that I should stay calm and just have this done and see what they say but, I am not strong enough to handle it. Things just go from bad to worse especially when I start to pick myself up and then I get kicked back down.
I was talking about this yesterday to a friend and I told her that I think I would be able to handle this upsetting news if it was just the only bad thing going on in my life. It just seems that I am loaded down with crap and it gets deeper everyday. I just want something good and positive to happen. But that is why I am pushing people away, I can't be happy for other people because I am not happy and I don't have enough strength to even act happy. So now my mom and I are really on the outs and I don't want to speak or even see her because of the things that she said to me.
When I undergo this procedure, it will just be me who will go, I don't want anyone with me. I will drive myself home and go to my apt alone. There will be nobody there to comfort me, support me, it will just be me. I just have to accept it because nobody can understand why I feeling this way and I am tired of justifying.
No comments:
Post a Comment