It does not look like I will be heading out east this week. The issue with my mom has gotten really bad and I do not plan on going home and fighting with her. She believes that I am blaming her or my dad or my brother for my problems. I tried to tell her that I don't. I blame anyone for the circumstances of my life, nobody caused me to have these issues in my head or my heart. But she can't accept that. She was very rude to me the other day so much so that I hung up on her the other day.
She is accusing me of pushing her away and I will admit to that. I know I am doing that because home is not home any more. She just won't understand where I am coming from and what I have been thinking or feeling. I tried to explain it to her before I hung up but she does not understand that I can't pretend to be happy for everyone when I am not happy in my heart. I am happy for people but I have to be true to myself and I have to deal with these issues. Then she got mean and rude to me.
Every time I head to my parent's house things are different and I feel more like a visitor in their home. I am stuck there when I go there with no car and having to depend on everyone else. It feels like I am 15 again when I head there.
It may be in everyone's best interest for me to stay here.
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