Wednesday, June 21, 2006

Dreams of fear

In the past few days I have been having dreams about the pending surgery. I had a dream that I went into the actual procedure and then I "woke" up and some of my friends were around me to ask me if I wanted to go out to a club called "Bleu". Then I had another dream a few weeks ago where I was bleeding non-stop after the procedure. That freaked me out like no end, I woke up terrified.

I have been reading about the upcoming procedure and it is starting to scare me. I am afraid of so many things, the anesthesia, the actual procedure, the risks, the horrible possibilities, adding another medical issue to my seemingly ever growing laundry list. I am trying to be strong but it can be hard at time. The more I talk about it I feel ok but when I don't talk about I get nervous and worried.

I just want it all to be over so I can move on.

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